The Massacre

GASTON: She's just a servant.

...

GASTON: You're too kind to these nothings

(Arse)

ANNE: Because he's kind, Monsieur, and gentle.

(Aww)

STEVEN: Listen, where is Nicholas? I have some important news.
GASTON: I'm sure you have. And I've got some for you too. Get out of here!

(The silliest line by a long way)

CATHERINE DE MEDICI: Innocent? Heresy can have no innocents. France will breath of pure air after tomorrow.

TAVANNES: Not mercy, Madame. Policy.

• It's Paddy Russell's first directing job on Doctor Who (and Who's first female director), and she does one hell of a casting job. Good as the script is, it needed top actors to really bring the best out of it. Lucarotti and Tosh between them did an exceptional job with the scripting. 
• I like recons, and I think they do the job of telling the story as well as it's possible to, but I often find them a little slow. This one, not a bit of it. It's totally absorbing. Every time we get to a cliffhanger I'm shocked that it's been 25 minutes already. 
• An amazing number of this cast go on to play Time Lords. Erik Chitty, Christopher Tranchell, Leonard Sachs and Michael Bilton all do. 
• Steven not knowing anything about what's going on is a well-handled way of informing the viewers about France in 1572 without the need for a heavy-handed info dump. And, though obviously we're more sympathetic to the Huguenots, it's nice that it's not presented as a straightforward "these are the goodies, those are the baddies" situation. Gaston is really just as bad as any of the Catholics. 
• The way Tavannes says that ever since the Abbot showed up everything had started to go wrong is a nice way of making us think that, just possibly, it might be the Doctor in surprise. Which makes him being slaughtered just minutes later all the more effective. 
• Um... Steven's idea of a foolproof disguise is to put on a hat and a different cloak? Really?? In an amazingly surprising turn of events, the disguise doesn't work. There's a shock. 
  
• The way the Doctor instantly takes control when he returns in episode four from whatever on earth he's been doing is fantastic. Hartnell's energy in that scene is superb, especially when he finds out the date. Shame he didn't decent to bring Anne along. She'd have made for a fun companion. 
• Dodo's desperate to get to the police box because "a little boy's been hurt and I've got to phone the police". Well, putting aside phoning the police rather than for an ambulance, whatever becomes of that little boy who just gets left without any help? To be fair on Dodo, it's not really her fault. The Doctor essentially abducts her just because she apparently looks a bit like Susan. 
• Daft though it is, it is funny to imagine that Dodo is a descendant of Steven and Anne. And, much as I do like Dodo, I wish Anne had come aboard instead.

Verdict

Has Doctor Who ever been this grown up? It's rather grim. The "weep tears of blood" scene between Tavannes and de Medici is terrific, but really pushing Doctor Who to its limits. Normally it would be too far for my liking, but it's such an electrifying script and so well performed by everybody. With Russell directing I'm sure it looks pretty good, too. When historicals can be like this or like the Romans, it just goes to show what a valuable type of story they are. This is the missing story I want found most of all, because I think it might just, just become my number one story. As it is it's top of the range. Full marks.

The Daleks' Master Plan

DOCTOR: I found this, and I don't know whether it's revelant or not, but hold onto it safely.

DOCTOR: Fifty years, to be suffice.

DOCTOR: The Daleks will stop at anything to prevent us.

(That's nice of them!)

CHEN: A heroic war cry to apparently peaceful ends is one of the greatest weapons a politician has.

CHEN: It came from Uranus. I know it did!

(Snigger)

CHEN: You will recover this and return it to us within one Earth hour.

(One Earth hour?)

CHEN: Three time machines in one infinitesimal speck of space and time. Of course, a coincidence is possible, but hardly likely.

• Mavic Chen is the Guardian of the Solar System, yet he can go off on holiday without anybody knowing where! Not to mention spend 50 years mining Taranium for the sole purpose of helping the Dalek invasion. What the hell is wrong with the media in the year 4000? Do they simply not exist anymore? Kevin Stoney is great. Chen is not quite as interesting a character as Tobias Vaughn (and doesn't have a comedy sidekick, either), but Stoney plays him so well it doesn't really matter. Stoney is always watchable, and he does seem to get a large quota of great lines. 
  
• Nick Courtney! It's very strange seeing him not as Lethbridge-Stewart, but he's always great value for money. Bret Vyon is a bit of an odd character, but thanks to Courtney is always watchable. That said, he seems more sensible than the Doctor. When he gets irritated by the Doctor and Steven arguing and tells them they need to warn earth, the Doctor says, "Yes, and you will have to do far more than that. If the Daleks are doing something drastic, then we have to stop the Daleks. Now will you shut up, sir?" Huh? That just makes the Doctor sound daft. 
• The Magnetic Chair is an interesting invention. I wonder why we never see it again! I do like the Doctor's idea that use of the chair counts as brain against brawn. 
• The Daleks surround the TARDIS. Somehow Bret, Katarina and an injured Steven "flee" the TARDIS to the "safety" of the jungle of Kembel past those Daleks. How? 
• This story is Billyfluff hell. It's absolutely chock-full of them! Maybe the length of the story and the general grimness, added to the recent loss of Maureen O'Brien, took its toll on him? 
  
• I love the bit where the Doctor recognises Reg Pritchard as Ben Daheer from the Crusade. I also love the bit where the Monk is talking about how badly he's been hurt and how much he needs access to the Doctor's TARDIS and Steven and Sara completely ignore him while discussing what to do next. I think the Monk's inclusion is necessary. He adds a bit of fun and freshness to a story that had been lagging quite badly. 
• "One Dalek is capable of exterminating all" apparently, and yet they send three Daleks to meet the Doctor when he agrees to hand over the Taranium. The way the Doctor shouts in that scene is very odd, too. He yells "I am now handing over the Taranium" to Chen even though Chen's standing right next to him! 
• I like the way in episode eleven that the Council have a chat about how they're going to divide up the universe when it's conquered, even then completely oblivious to the fact the Daleks aren't even going to let them live past the beginning of the invasion, let alone the end. Petty dictators so caught up in a squabble for power they can't even see the trouble they're in. Chen's descent into madness as the situation spirals out of control is nicely done, too. The way the Daleks just sit there staring at him when he starts issuing orders is very creepy. 
• Where does Karlton vanish to?

Verdict

The Daleks Master Plan is... a good try. I appreciate the effort, and there's no reason why a twelve episode Dalek story couldn't work. This had so much potential, too. The first two episodes are fantastic, and the story could easily have been strung out. Sadly, instead we get a fairly meh continuation of the Chase. There are plenty of good bits in the middle episodes (particularly

involving Chen and the Monk), but they're drowned by the general dullness of it all. It's not a coincidence that once the whole Dalek invasion story restarts in the final two episodes it gets good again. It also, much like the Myth Makers, contrasts lots of silliness with some very grim moments, such as the deaths of Katarina, Bret and Sara. It's sad to see so much potential wasted, but there are many good moments.

The Myth Makers

STEVEN: Wouldn't it be better if I went?
DOCTOR: I don't think they'd appreciate your kind of sarcasm.

AGAMEMNON: Don't you want to get Helen back?
MENELAUS: Quite frankly, no. If you must know, I was heartily glad to see the back of her.
AGAMEMNON: You mustn't talk like that in front of these.
MENELAUS: It wasn't the first time she'd allowed herself to be abducted. I can't keep on going off to the ends of the Earth to get her back.

PARIS: Now, die, Greek, and tell them in Hades that Paris sent you thither!
STEVEN: I yield.
PARIS: I beg your pardon?
STEVEN: I yield. I'm your prisoner.
PARIS: Well, I say, this sort of thing is just not done.

PARIS: I'm treated with more respect by the enemy than I am by my own family.
CASSANDRA: They don't know you as well as we do.

ODYSSEUS: I wonder, were you really Zeus after all?

DOCTOR: I am not a Doc.

• Humphrey Searle's sole contribution to Doctor Who is... interesting. 
• I like how Vicki takes an age trying to find suitable clothes before leaving the TARDIS. The Doctor didn't bother... 
• I love Donald Cotton's episode titles. It's such a shame he didn't get to call the third episode, "Is there a Doctor in the horse?" That would have been my favourite Doctor Who title of all time. As it is, I think "Horse of Destruction" wins the vote narrowly over "A Holiday for the Doctor". 
• I like how the Doctor's plan to escape would have meant the story was only one episode long if Paris hadn't come and stolen the TARDIS in the meantime. 
• The cliffhanger to episode three is possibly the worst in the entire history of Doctor Who. I'm struggling to think of much worse. It's basically... "oh my God, that's an awful pun!" 
  
• Cassandra is bloody annoying. I know it's probably necessary to have a less friendly Trojan character, but she's just so shrieky and negative it's irritating. That said, the way Priam is always so condescending towards her is quite funny. Priam is good fun, and Paris works well as a figure of fun. The Greeks are a bit less well presented. Odysseus is great fun, but Agamemnon and Menelaus get very little screen time. 
• I quite like that Vicki's departure is done differently. They've done a companion reluctantly leaving, they've done the Doctor reluctantly letting companions leave. The leaving scene itself has already been done, so it's quite smart that rather than show that all over again they focus on Vicki and Troilus. It's a rather brave and surprising decision of Vicki to stay with Troilus. This is a woman who considered aspirin to be some horrible backwards remedy choosing to stay in ancient history. Not only that, what if she hadn't actually been able to find Troilus? Or if Achilles had killed him in that fight at the end? She'd be in deep trouble then! If I thought Ian and Barbara needed some luck suddenly reappearing after vanishing off the face of the earth for two years, Vicki needs a whole mountain of luck. It's also sad she doesn't get to say goodbye to Steven.

 

Verdict

Donald Cotton's second most polished script in his time on Doctor Who. The Myth Makers is decent enough fun. It starts fairly slowly, but once it hits its stride it works very well. The scenes with the Doctor and Odysseus are all very enjoyable, and Vicki and Priam make for a good combination. It does feel a bit disjointed at times, and doesn't always seem to know what it wants to do. And Agamemnon vanishes from the plot completely. But those are minor quibbles in an otherwise very enjoyable story, if one that becomes something of a bloodbath at the end. It's quite impressive in a way that light comedy characters are butchered so brutally in the final episode. It's also very sad to be losing Vicki. She was everything Susan should have been. Fun, vibrant, proactive. And as usual, William Hartnell plays the heartbreak of losing someone dear to him perfectly.

Galaxy 4 and Mission to the Unknown

STEVEN: I can't operate it. I couldn't if I tried. Only the Doctor could do that. It's his ship. Why don't you try making an offer to him? Or is it that you think he might be just a little bit too clever for you? I'm the gullible one, is that it? I'm not much help, am I?

DOCTOR: Are you trying to get us killed?

VICKI: Didn't you see? They only pick up sounds in front of them. If we keep immediately behind them, they won't know we're there.
DOCTOR: Yes, yes, yes, you may appear to be right, but it's dangerous, and it's very risky!
VICKI: That was no risk. I noted, observed, collated, concluded, and then I threw the rock.

DOCTOR: What's this? What's this fellow doing?
RILL: Going to repair the damage you have done.
DOCTOR: Ah, yes. Quite so.

RILL: Though we are beings of separate planets, you from the solar system and we from another space, our ways of thought, at times, do not seem all that different.

("We from another space"? What?)

• The most exciting thing about Galaxy 4 is that one of the people playing the Chumblies is called Pepi Poup. And another is called Angelo Muscat. The second most exciting thing is Vicki cutting Steven's hair. 
• I'm not sure why it's called Galaxy 4. That's where the Drahvins are from, but not where it's set. The episode titles are a bit poor, too. "Air Lock" is possibly the worst in Doctor Who's history. 
  
• I actually quite like the Rills, but they don't actually do anything. I like slower paced stories, but this really is absurd. Nothing happens. Long scenes of people saying things but not really doing anything. 
• I would say Maaga's long close-up monologue about having the imagination to think of the Rills dying when the planet explodes is quite interestering and well done, but it probably just seems that way in comparison to the rest of the story.

Verdict

If it wasn't for the three regulars and Stephanie Bidmead, this would truly be awful. Yes, the Chumblies are quite cute, and the sound effects are good, but that's hardly enough to get you through 100 minutes. I usually argue that longer running times are necessarily, but this has pretty much the thinnest plot of any Doctor Who story. Everyone is so listless. Maaga keeps talking about

capturing the Rill ship, but at no point in the entire story does she even try. The final episode involves the Doctor plugging the TARDIS into the Rill ship to give them power while the Drahvins shrug and say, "ah well, what can you do?" That final episode is the worst individual episode so far by a long way, and perfectly rounds up by far the worst story so far. Being able to see Air Lock is about the only way I managed to get through the torture. Horrible season opener.

CORY: There's something very big going on here, and if the Daleks are involved you can bet your life our whole galaxy is in danger.

DALEK: Some beings have landed from the planet Earth, hostile beings from the centre of the solar system. But do not worry.

MALPHA: This is indeed an historic moment in the history of the universe. We six from the outer galaxies, joining with the power from the solar system, the Daleks! The seven of us represent the greatest war force ever assembled. Conquest is assured! Mars! Venus! Jupiter! The moon colonies!
DALEK: They will all fall before our might. But the first of them will be Earth!

(Riiiiiiiight)

• Mission to the Unknown is notable for a number of reasons, but most importantly for being Verity Lambert's final credited story as producer. She was fantastic. 
• Kembel sounds excellent. All the background noises make it sound completely alive and evil. Helped by the Varga plants, which are a very scary and effective idea that sadly aren't ever seen again. 
• It's good to see even Special Space Security agents far in the future will still be using fairly basic tape recorders to record distress messages. 
• Why do the Daleks broadcast their secret meetings to the whole of Kembel when they know there are Earth agents on the planet? How dim can you be? 

Verdict
 
Mission to the Unknown is a bit of an oddity, but it's a strong and tense 25 minutes which perfectly sets up the Daleks' Master Plan. Already you know it's going to be very different to the Chase from the grim and gritty way the three human characters are mercilessly butchered by the Daleks. No letting silly Alabamans laugh at them here!

The Time Meddler

STEVEN: I remember registering that, well, it didn't look like a ship. It was very small. I must have been delirious.
VICKI: I don't suppose you were. It is very small outside. It's just in here it's big.

ELDRED: I do not trust them!

STEVEN: Well, I'm not mad about you either!

MONK: More visitors. It's getting it's getting so you can't call a monastery your own!

DOCTOR: Well, as it happens, I happen to be a very curious fellow.

VICKI: We haven't got a time machine any more.
DOCTOR: Haven't we now? Oh, I say. Well, I wonder what that's supposed to mean?
VICKI: Well, you know, you know we left it on the beach.
DOCTOR: Yes, I remember very well. It so happens that I was there at the time.

STEVEN: You know, I'm beginning to like the idea of being a crew member on a time machine.
VICKI: A crew member? You'll be lucky. He's the crew. We're just the passengers.

• I like the Monk it's fun to have a villain who isn't actually bad, just mischievous. His argument is that it'll speed up progress, although I think he's a little optimistic if he thinks preventing William I winning the Battle of Hastings means there'll be jet engines by the 13th century and Shakespeare will be able to put Hamlet on TV, even if he does provide a few hints and tips along the way! Still, his idea is that it'll allow for greater progress for the human race. And is also fun. Not exactly evil, eh? 
• It's always nice to see Alethea Charlton popping up to play a woman from the past. She's come quite a way since being Hur, though. Edith is more enjoyable than Hur, and Charlton brings a great liveliness to the role. I don't get why the Vikings left her alive, though. They were strictly told to keep their presence a secret, so leaving her there to tell the other villagers she was attacked by Vikings is rather stupid of them. That said, these are Vikings who get overpowered by the combined force of Peter Butterworth and William Hartnell. Maybe they're like the Daleks from the Chase... expendable idiots the higher ups just want to get rid of. 
  
• The Doctor talks very loudly to himself about the Battles of Stamford Bridge and Hastings even though he must surely know Edith is right behind him! And yet he has the gall to criticise the Monk for being a time meddler! And then to strand the Monk in history to meddle even more... 
• It's also nice to have a sceptical companion again. Steven has a few flashes of early Ian in this story with his refusal to believe that the TARDIS can travel in time. It's an appropriate story for it too, coming across anachronistic technology to make him disbelieve that they're in the past. 
• The BBC episode guide claims it's a goof that Steven asks how they could be in the 10th century when he finds a watch, because supposedly the Doctor has told him they're in the 11th. If whoever wrote that had actually been watching the story, they'd know the Doctor guessed either the 10th or 11th century, so calling it a goof is nonsense. The Doctor by that point has found out that it's the 11th, but since Steven wasn't with the Doctor then I don't get how he's supposed to have found out. 
• I like how Vicki overestimates the Monk's intelligence. When he gives himself away by knowing something he couldn't have known, she tells Steven that he may have given himself away on purpose to set a trap. But no, he really was just that stupid! 
• William Hartnell takes his second holiday in three stories here. He just had one in the Space Museum!

Verdict

I love the Time Meddler. It is the first step away from pure historicals, which is a massive shame, but the story itself is great fun. Dennis Spooner is one of the best at telling a fun and involving story. The pace is good, there are lots of

funny lines and interesting characters, and Steven blends in seamlessly with the Doctor and Vicki. It's a lovely way to finish off an enjoyable season.

Season Two

The second season of Doctor Who is one of my favourites, in spite of some of its issues. Part of the reason for that is that the team of Hartnell, Hill, Russell and O'Brien are so much fun to watch I almost don't care whether a story is any good or not. For all its faults, the Web Planet has them guiding it along its ambitious way, and the four of them are perfectly suited to sillier stories that abound under Spooner's watch. It is fascinating watching the show grow as it becomes more and more confident about what it can do and try to do from the first season, and the cosiness of the regulars is a joy to watch. William Hartnell is never less than excellent, but the cuddly, giggly Doctor he plays in this season is him at his most enjoyable. The Romans is my favourite story so far, and one I never tire of watching. The highlight of a mostly fun year.

The Chase

BARBARA: Doctor, what is this machine?
DOCTOR: I've already told you, my dear. It's a Time and Space Visualiser.
BARBARA: Yes, but apart from making that dreadful noise, what does it do?

BARBARA: What's that awful noise?
DOCTOR: I beg your pardon? Awful noise? That's no way to talk about my singing!
BARBARA: No, Doctor, not that awful noise, the other one.

VICKI: It's a trail.
IAN: Probably blood.
VICKI: Oh yes, it's bound to be.

DALEK: TARDIS!

DALEK: TARDIS!

DALEK: TARDIS!

DALEK: TARDIS!

DALEK: TARDIS!

BARBARA: Doctor, he said the TARDIS!

(Yes, well spotted, Barbara)

BARBARA: You're from Earth?
MORTON: No, no, Ma'am. No, I'm from Alabama.

DOCTOR: I shall miss them. Yes, I shall miss them, silly old fusspots.

• Daleks can fly. Just look at the picture of them on the Marie Celeste. It's literally impossibly for that Dalek to have got up there without flying. So much for Remembrance of the Daleks, eh? Still, we now know from Ian that the best place to fight Daleks is somewhere with "good, stout walls". Very handy, walls. I'm still not certain about the plan to fight the Daleks. What with? Just the four of them? How? 
  
• The Time-Space Visualiser has planets written on it, for some reason. It's also absurdly huge. I know it's an amazing device that we sadly never see again, but why does it need to be that huge? 
• That Dudley Simpson chap is back yet again to do the score! And is a bit bizarre again. 
• The Aridians are a bloody boring bunch. 
• I know Terry Nation was never exactly great at titles, but two here are "the Death of...", and one of them is "the Death of Time", which is both daft and doesn't have anything whatsoever to do with the story. 
• I said in the Space Museum I thought Ian was starting to crack up. Well, here he calls a Dalek "Fred". And that can't even be excused by the Doctor having just bafflingly called one "Auntie"! Also, he asks for Barbara's cardigan (rather than ripping it off her this time!) and Barbara says, "not again!" I wonder if that just refers to the Space Museum or if he has a general cardigan fetish? Also, Ian is known for questioning the Doctor, so it's bizarre that the one time the Doctor says something ridiculous, "we're inside a human mind", Ian just nods and accepts it! 
• The cliffhanger to episode three of this story, which is the halfway point, is identical to the cliffhanger to the end of the Space Museum. I know in a story about a chase that we're going to get a lot of "the Daleks are still chasing us", but it doesn't have to be a cliffhanger!

Verdict

Lots and lots of great moments, but none of them really hold together all that well and the bits in between are really very dull. That's how I feel about the Chase. For starters, why exactly are the Daleks after them? It just seems to be a random breakaway group of a few (rather dim) Daleks rather than the species as a whole. Why do those few have such a grudge against the Doctor? The fact that they don't bother exterminating Morton Dill or anybody on the Marie Celeste highlights how incompetent they are. The final scene is very sad.

William Hartnell's anger at the thought of Ian and Barbara leaving is really sweet. It is played so well. This is the second Dalek story in a row cut short to have a touching leaving scene. The past two stories have seen the Doctor, Ian, Barbara and Vicki make such a together and fun team, it'll be such a shame to see no more of them. I do worry about them, though. How on earth are they going to explain having been away for two years without getting locked up?

The Space Museum

IAN: Doctor, we’ve got our clothes on!
DOCTOR: Well, I should hope so, dear boy. I should hope so.

SITA: But why are you so interested in this, Vicki? Why do you want this revolution so much?
VICKI: I’ve as many reasons as you, perhaps more

(Er, no Vicki. Just no)

VICKI: I’m still going. Look, Tor, I’ve got to find them and tell them what’s going on. There’s no knowing what they’ll do otherwise. If I am captured, I’ll just have to hope that you’re successful and you find me in time.

(Brave Vicki!)

DOCTOR: My brain was working with the speed of a mechanical computer.

BARBARA: Well, you can’t blame Ian for letting off steam, Doctor. Oh, I wish I’d had thought of it. I’d have smashed the whole thing too

(Yeah, you go Barbara!)

• Apart from Lobos, the Moroks don't have names. Why is that? Why are they not allowed names? It's bizarre. It's bad enough that the Commander (under Lobos) is called Commander, but why is Delos from the Romans called "Morok Technician"? Nowhere in the script is there the slightest mention of him being a technician. There's also "Morok Messenger" and five people lucky enough to be called "Morok Guard". Names aren't hard! 
• And the Moroks are a bit crap, yes, but that's fully explained in the script by them being bored and rather uninterested in Xeros. They all seem to talk in exposition, too, which is quite funny. 
• I don't get why the Doctor and co. are so eager to hide from everyone in episode one in the first place? They've never shied away from saying hello to people when they land? How do they know the Moroks are hostile before they've even had any contact with them? 
• Ian loses his button, and that's interesting according to the Doctor because the (seemingly) least important things often turn out to lead to the greatest discoveries. Not in this case, though, where it's never mentioned again. This is one of the exceptions, clearly! 
  
• I don't see how people think this is dull. Even just in episode two, the Doctor by himself is captured, then escapes ingeniously and knocks out a Xeron, hides in a Dalek and does a silly voice, gets captured again by the Moroks this time and has a wonderful interrogation scene with Lobos. It's great. Especially as that episode also features Ian stripping Barbara and waving a gun around like a Dad trying to be an action hero. He also says it might be fun to kill Lobos. I think he's cracking up! 
• The stock music is actually quite good, especially for the cliffhanger to episode one.

Verdict

A little piece of the TARDIS gets stuck. How often is that the cause of all their problems? It's a shame the TARDIS is so reliable these days. Anyway, I love the Space Museum. It's fun and funny and the day is saved almost entirely by Vicki, who starts a planet-wide revolution on her own. Take that, Susan! If she hadn'

t opened the armoury through some means never really explained, the Doctor, Ian, Barbara and Vicki would have died. Granted, it's a bit silly in places, but it's never less than enjoyable. Which is more than I can say for what's coming next.

The Crusade

DOCTOR: Having been stolen once, they can be stolen again, or perhaps borrowed, shall we say, hmm? 
 

CHAMBERLAIN: You stole some clothing.

DOCTOR: Really?
CHAMBERLAIN: You see this riding habit? It was taken from this very room. Now it is back here again.
DOCTOR: And a pretty poor garment, too.
CHAMBERLAIN: This and this, stolen from me.
DAHEER: And stolen from me.
DOCTOR: Yes, now there really is a point there, isn't there? If I stole from you, my lord Chamberlain, how could I steal from him?
DAHEER: You did. You did steal from me.
DOCTOR: Then how could I steal from him, eh, you blockhead?

SALADIN: Let him have all liberty except liberty itself.

DAHEER: When the sun rises I shall be here to transform the boy into a veritable strutting peacock.

IAN: I am Sir Ian, my lord, Knight of Jaffa.

• When you mix Bernard Kay's compelling performance with David Whitaker's intelligent writing and Douglas Camfield's smart directing you get something quite special. It's only a shame Saladin isn't on screen more. Top notch from all three of them. 
• El Akir's main guard (I don't know his name as his character doesn't seem to have one) is an awful actor. He only gets a few lines, but he manages to convey an impressive amount of awfulness. To be fair, it must be difficult to get too much motivation to really act convincingly for lines like, "he was going to slay me" when it's such a small job with just a few lines. 
  
• Once against the Doctor and Vicki spend most of the story mucking about while Ian and Barbara go through relative degrees of hell. Not that it really matters. As I've mentioned often enough already, Hartnell and O'Brien are such an enjoyable team. The subplots about Vicki being a boy and with the stolen clothes are gold. It's such a shame that the clothes scene quoted above is from the lost episode two. It's exactly the sort of comic performance Hartnell excels at. 
• I don't quite get why Haroun has been left in peace? He has sworn in public that he's going to kill El-Akir. Why hasn't El-Akir simply sent soldiers round to his house and had him killed? He doesn't exactly seem like someone with a conscience. Still, it does allow for Barbara to be all heroic, sacrificing herself to save Safiya. 
• Ian saving the Doctor at the end is very funny, as are all the "knight" puns the TARDIS crew throw at Ian once they've escaped. 
• This score is a little bit more Dudley Simpson than previously. Especially when it gets loud and frantic in episode four.

 

Verdict

I've never quite enjoyed the Crusade as much as the very best of the historicals. It doesn't feel quite as polished, and the way characters come and go seems a bit at random (Ibrahim has a couple of funny lines, but that whole section with him and Ian really just gets in the way when things need to be

wrapped up). The way the Doctor and Vicki simply wave goodbye to Richard and wander off just seems a bit odd. There are a lot of good things about the story, and plenty of top scenes, but I just don't feel it hangs together all that well as one story. Episode four is really quite messy structurally. That said, it is David Whitaker's first go at a four episode story, amazingly! It's nice that both sides of the Crusades are portrayed fairly and that the villain of the story isn't attached to either.

The Web Planet

BARBARA: Oh, you’ll find the answer, Doctor. You always do.

(Yet MORE sucking up!)

BARBARA: Honestly, one of these days I’m going to have a jolly good spring clean around here.

VICKI: You know, Doctor, I’m getting quite fond of Zombo.
DOCTOR: What?
VICKI: Zombo, it’s his name. I gave it to him.
DOCTOR: Oh, yes, I see, I see.
VICKI: He’s quite cute, isn’t he, when he’s like this.

(She likes giving things names, doesn't she?)

HROSTAR: Zarbi!!!
HILIO: Zarbi!!!
HROSTAR: Zarbi!!!
HLYNIA: Zarbi!!!

• The bit where Vicki gets the mental attack in the TARDIS at the beginning of the story is notable because Maureen O'Brien spends the entire time trying incredibly hard not to laugh and failing pretty badly. There's some more Vicki greatness in this story. When the Doctor and Ian enter the TARDIS to get equipment for the Animus, the Zarbi keep Vicki hostage. Rather than scream or cry like, er, certain companions, she bravely nods and says, "I'll be all right". 
  
• It amuses me that when the Doctor tells Ian they're on Vortis, Ian replies with, "Vortis? What galaxy is that in?" as if the answer would mean anything to him anyway! 
• I think Ian has forgotten Marinus already. Surely once you've had one near-death experience on an alien planet with water that turns out to be acid you'd be a bit more careful in future? I do like the way he gets so upset about the Doctor using his tie to demonstrate. He even complains about it five weeks later right at the end of the story! 
• The cliffhanger for the first episode is great. Barbara's about to jump in some acid, Ian's being eaten by some unconvincing prop, Vicki's being carted off and the Doctor finds that the TARDIS has vanished. I think that's the first ever four-way cliffhanger? It certainly beats the cliffhanger for episode four, where it cuts from the action after Barbara has already started running away. Speaking of the end of episode four, the mass fight scene there between the Menoptera and the Zarbi is absolutely hilarious. Doctor Who has had very few more enjoyable fight scenes in its history. 
  
• The quality of this story is, admittedly, a bit up and down, but episode five is great if you're still awake to witness it. The Doctor and Barbara making plans, Vicki having fun with the tame Zarbi and Ian trying to talk some sense into those silly Optera. It's great. 
• Without the Animus, the Larvae Guns suddenly become cute and cuddly little creatures. But presumably still with guns, so, you know, rather dangerous? 
• Isoptope. Ha. And the Zarbi hitting the camera. Haha.

Verdict

I'm not going to deny that there are issues with the Web Planet, but I give the production team top marks for trying it. It's a shame more modern teams wouldn't have the guts to try something similar. It looks brilliant. The story might be lacking in life a little, but there's plenty to look at. It's such a bleak

and alien world, and all the various creatures look strange. The noise the Zarbi make is also fantastic. John Wood and Daphne Dare deserve a lot of credit, as does Roslyn de Winter for the "Insect Movement" that she apparently devised. I actually think that at four episodes this would be a very strong story. Even with the presence of poor old Richard Martin dragging things down. Six is just a little bit too long for the actual story. But Hartnell and O'Brien are such a strong and sweet pairing and their scenes are so watchable. The time flies by whenever they're on screen together. It's a bit unfair on Barbara that the Doctor is the one hailed as a hero. It was her plan of attack they used and the Doctor failed miserably. It was Barbara (with a bit of help from Ian) who killed the Animus! In conclusion: a good effort, at least.